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Broken hearted mom
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Broken hearted mom

[Replies: 2]
let me say that she told me on my wedding day that "that you cant come around the kids until your married at least for 5 yrs then you can see them.............

I have a 26 yr old with 3 kids (trust me I did all I could to prevent this), lat year i had some problems with my husband of 5 yrs, so i moved next door to her. It was great i got to see the ids every day and it was nice. She then asked me to sit the kids so that she could work longer hours, and I said okay, but then, i wasn't allowed to take them anywhere, nor did i get keys to the house, when the kids were sick i sat withem, (mind you i suffer from ms) and she new this, and that i had drs appts, and other things like grocerys and bills I had to pay. these places closed long before she would get home. So I questioned her about that and she said "she wanted them home so that she knew where they were. Well that got me upset, here I am doing her a favor, but, being a prisoner too. I soon noticed that she couldn't make eye ctact with me, and that didn't make me feel comfortable, my son had to go to work and I took the kids with me anyway, I missed several appointments with specilists and was charge co pays for cancelling at the last minute she would show on time. Then the kids started to tell me that there nees hurt and like any grandma would I asked them why, they said we have to knee on rice in the corner when we dont listen..I was so mad and upset, i approached my daughter and told her there are different ways to get them to listen, and that she needed to stop it..she flat out said no i wont. i said it was abuse. Come december, my husband and i reconciled, and i moved back home with my son, and had taken ill, i had had surgery in june and had several infections that wouldn't go away, so on the 10th of dec i was put on a very strong antibiotic and was shcuedlued for surgery on 1/8/08 i told my daughter (by voicemail it would be a good idea to get someone else to sit with the kids) and then she came over and demanded to know why i couldn't, she yelled and grilled me like I was a 4th grader she called me a coward, and got me so upset I blocked my ears and yelled to my husband to tell her to stop. he got up from his chair and told her to leave, and she said she would when she was ready. and started on him when she finay did leave, I was so heartbroken and crying uncontrollable for days, not knowing that i had several surgeries and another coming up. So here we are in march and havent seen the kids since her confrontation, I went to her job to say "HI" and that i love you, her response was "SO WHAT DO YOU WANT, she repeated this 3 times i walked away,and cried all night, what did i do? I don't know what else to do..any advise
Last Post Mar 11, 2008 5:05 AM by: woodstock
woodstock
Posts: 39
From: gettysburg
Registered: 9/19/07
(3 of 3)

Re: Broken hearted mom

Mar 11, 2008 5:05 AM
Okay, that your daughter is going through a real hard times sounds like an excuse for the way she's treating her mother!! And, this post needs to be on Ivillage Grandparents raising Grandchildren to get some really good responses to this one. But, to talk to your mother like that when she is suffering form MS, and preparing to go into surgery, I DON'T THINK SO!! Excuses sound good to those who make them! And, to have children kneeling on rice, give me a break! I'm a grandmother, and trust me I've been through some pretty tough times. But, even when I was going through chemo I never had any of my kids put me through anything like that! And, what happen to respect your mother, and your father? Did that go out with I have your grandchildren? What? These days it seems like when you have a baby it gives you an excuse to act anyway you want to. I disagree with that one. It doesn't give you the right to act like a brat to your parents, children, and everyone around you. And, take advantage of your parents just because you have their grandchildren. I don't think so. Get a babysitter, we did it. And, let the daughter try helping her mom while the mom is sick. I took care of my mom, and I was a widow with 3 children. It wasn't easy, but it was SO worth it! Sorry for the outburst, but I just get a little upset. When young moms think that everyone should do everything for them! And, they have the right to act anyway they want to. And, then they blame it on just having babies. Hello, been done forever!!
louise(mum of two)
Posts: 1
From: london
Registered: 3/10/08
(2 of 3)

Re: Broken hearted mom

Mar 10, 2008 1:51 PM
I think that 'broken hearted' is a very understandable description. I am the mother of two boys and they are with me all the time, I have never been big on the whole nursery/ childcare route and choose to do it all myself. As a result I have no illusions about children or parenting! It sound to me as if your daughter is sinking under the pressure. Think about how she was when she was pregnant with her first child, all the hopes and excitment. Now she seems somehow beaten and is taking it out on you. I am sure that she wants the best for her children, but seems to have lost her way. Maybe she has forgotten how to play with her kids, maybe she is worried that you will take them to the parks and play and that they will love you more than her? Her means of discipline sounds like a desperate, last resort.

If I was in your position, I would wait for the next celebration day; either her birthday or maybe one of the childrens and then organise a picnic or some really simple day out. Try to recreate the pleasure which every mother anticipates when they are expecting their first child. Take this opportunity to offer her congratulations as well. Make a couple of cakes; one for your daughter for being a great daughter and a great mother, and one for the grandkids for being the joy and laughter which every family needs.

You are in a very difficult situation. I hope that your operations go well and that you find a way to build a bridge.
dumbfounded
Posts: 1
From: prvidence county
Registered: 3/10/08
(1 of 3)

Broken hearted mom

Mar 10, 2008 11:10 AM
let me say that she told me on my wedding day that "that you cant come around the kids until your married at least for 5 yrs then you can see them.............

I have a 26 yr old with 3 kids (trust me I did all I could to prevent this), lat year i had some problems with my husband of 5 yrs, so i moved next door to her. It was great i got to see the ids every day and it was nice. She then asked me to sit the kids so that she could work longer hours, and I said okay, but then, i wasn't allowed to take them anywhere, nor did i get keys to the house, when the kids were sick i sat withem, (mind you i suffer from ms) and she new this, and that i had drs appts, and other things like grocerys and bills I had to pay. these places closed long before she would get home. So I questioned her about that and she said "she wanted them home so that she knew where they were. Well that got me upset, here I am doing her a favor, but, being a prisoner too. I soon noticed that she couldn't make eye ctact with me, and that didn't make me feel comfortable, my son had to go to work and I took the kids with me anyway, I missed several appointments with specilists and was charge co pays for cancelling at the last minute she would show on time. Then the kids started to tell me that there nees hurt and like any grandma would I asked them why, they said we have to knee on rice in the corner when we dont listen..I was so mad and upset, i approached my daughter and told her there are different ways to get them to listen, and that she needed to stop it..she flat out said no i wont. i said it was abuse. Come december, my husband and i reconciled, and i moved back home with my son, and had taken ill, i had had surgery in june and had several infections that wouldn't go away, so on the 10th of dec i was put on a very strong antibiotic and was shcuedlued for surgery on 1/8/08 i told my daughter (by voicemail it would be a good idea to get someone else to sit with the kids) and then she came over and demanded to know why i couldn't, she yelled and grilled me like I was a 4th grader she called me a coward, and got me so upset I blocked my ears and yelled to my husband to tell her to stop. he got up from his chair and told her to leave, and she said she would when she was ready. and started on him when she finay did leave, I was so heartbroken and crying uncontrollable for days, not knowing that i had several surgeries and another coming up. So here we are in march and havent seen the kids since her confrontation, I went to her job to say "HI" and that i love you, her response was "SO WHAT DO YOU WANT, she repeated this 3 times i walked away,and cried all night, what did i do? I don't know what else to do..any advise