Hi, I just signed up and I can totally relate. I have joint joint custody of my four children but their primary residence is with me. I have had trouble with my 14 year old daughter who has skipped classes, gotten in fights, experimented with alcohol and been caught with marijuana. Her father lives with his girlfriend (who used to be my daughter's godmother when we were married, and with whom he was unfaithful with for over 3 years while we were married). Although i have been separated for 6 years now (divorced for 3), and have moved on, her dad (my ex) is manipulating the situation to his advantage and hopes to get her to live with him and his girlfriend. He has issues with addiction, infidelity, irrisponsible spending....and has trashed me more recently< i believe in an attempt to "steal " her away. My oldest son communicates with mea nd has always been close, sees his dad's manipulations and is resentful of his sister's selfish and easily "bought" attitude.
I want whats best for her and realize this is a completely selfish time for her and she will manipulate anything to get what she wants (leniancy, her phone back, more time wht her friends etc). my ex is mad at me for recent court order to garnish his wages and pay support, and being forced tofollow conditions of divorce order (registered education plans, life insurance etc) and i feel this is an attempt to get back at me and perhaps pay less support. my youngest son had recently returned home from his fathers crying and saying "dad says you are taking all his money", This is untrue, he ahs four high end vehicles, leased and sitting in his driveway that total more than his child support payments, not to mention countless expensive items, debt and unfiled taxes for three years.
Last weekend my 14 year old was brought to her dad's at 230 in the morning drunk after "doing 'shooters" with some older boys and her friend. i picked her up the next day to basically have a talk, and check the story out (i was worried for her safety) by gong back to this boys home to retrieve her cel phone and camera, clothes.
She has been at her dad's since that time and she is livid that i took her phone away after her father already established his own punishment. The last time her father and I were more on the same page and we met with her to formulate a plan (discipline measure, privileges etc). but this time she informed me that she wants to live with her dad nowhalf time,
I want to be closer to my daughter but as long as i am the "mean one" and she can choose, i am afraid she will use this to her advantage. I miss her and am afraid of losing her.
we went to counselling re our relationship and her anger but she refused to go back. I recently started a phone plan for her after it was removed for 4 months for lying re a similar incident.
I've tried everya pproach, but taking everything away doesnt seem to work esp in light of this most recent "dad will save you" choice she seems to have made.
She recently cited her dad and "step mom" as her rolde models on a website and doesnt share anything with me. I refrain from bad-talking her dad but in light of recent accusations and sharing of info between hima n the kids, i feel threatened and scared of losing he reven more.
any ideas?

I can empathize with you. I feel that my 12 year old daughter hates me. She talks back constantly. She is full of anger. Whenever I tell her to do something or call her out of her room to walk the dog she says "Yeah Mom." As if I am bothering her. It is my fault. I created this monster. There are days I do not want to deal with her at all. She totally causes me stress. We argue every day about something. No matter how I say anything she gets pissed off, rolls her eyes, talks back, slams doors, etc. I have decided to take everything away from her. I usually give in, but I have decided for the rest of the summer she needs to learn what it is like to have only the baiscs. She will have no computer, no cell phone, no I-pod Touch, and no house phone. I have done too much for her and now she feels she is entitled. She is not. I have to show her who is boss. I know that it is my fault because I have given in too easily too many times. I am tired. I do not sleep at night. I feel bad. She is causing me so much stress and pain in my life. There are days I wish I could afford to send her to a five day a week boot camp where she only comes home on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. How awful of me. The arguing every day is unbearable and very stressful for me. I need to get control of this situation. She is nasty, everything is about her and what she wants and needs. No matter how silly it is or expensive or frivolous.

My daughter is 15 and I also divorced her father. She is acting exactly like your daughter.

Sorry. I have no answers. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Many great moms are in this awful situation.

I pray that one day our girls will see the light and love us once again.

In the mean time, I have decide to keep my daughter at arms length, never close enough to hurt me. If she decides to see me, I will see her. If not, I won't. When she comes over I will not make a big deal and I plan to stay out of her way. I'm not sure if this is the answer or not. I don't know much lately but I know that I deserved to be treated better than I am. If I don't value myself, she won't either. I plan to think more of me and less of her. I'm starting the gym, getting a facial and a massage and buying a hot outfit. It is time to take care of me.

Please give me advice. I am divorced and my ex has sole custody. My 13 year old blames me for everything. I have other girls and during the teen years were rebellious, but not like this.

Help me distinguish what is normal teen rebellion and her downright hatred of me.

She steals things out of the house and brings them to her "real house". She is rude, disrespectful and will do anything to not visit during the only 6 days out of the month I see her.

This past month she has been extremely hostile. I quit my job to go to her sports events. No response. She says my ex's girlfriend is her "real mom" and she hates me.

Recently she threw a soda can at me when I told her to pick up her room. She gets within one inch of my face and, to everything, says MAKE ME!

She doesn't speak to me. She is unresponsive. Recently she commanded me to go to the mall to this particularly expensive store, buy a gift for her sister for her birthday, and told me to pay for it.

I said, unconditionaly --NO! She said I was cheap, and her dad gives her money to buy presents... "FOR YOU MOM!". Odly, I didn't get a birthday present. from her at all. Not even a card.

She didn't even remember it was my birthday until I said I couldn't pick her up from practice that day. Of course that sent her off in a tizzy.

Because I want her to love me, I wast tempted to give in. But I didn't. Now she hates me more.

I see other parents with their kids, and it seems those kids love their mothers. My daughter berates me in front of her friends and their moms. I don't even want to be around her anymore.

I love her, but don't want to have anything to do with her. Therapy hasn't helped.
My ex and his girlfriend put me down in front of her (she's a loser, she has a low life job).

I just want to give up. Seriously. It is so unpleasant when she comes over here that I end up fatigued by the fighting, have migraines, and I don't particularly want her over here again.

Who has advice? Is it the teen years, or does she hate me because of the divorce?