please someone help me!!!! i have a 14 13 and 11 year old girls. things are fine between my 2 youngest but my oldest is a different story. i cant tell her anything that she doesn't blow up at me. when that happens i get upset and it goes down hill from there, what should i do please help
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Devastated
Posts:
1
From:
United states of america
Registered:
5/17/12
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(808 of 808)
May 17, 2012 12:27 PM
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I am so glad that I found this forum, as I have 2 children, 19 & 22. My 19 year old daughter hates me, yet we were close the day she was born up until August 2011. She started dating this guy from high school and the 3 of us were very close, he called me "Mom" and I called him "Son". One night my daughter & her friends come home, my daughter is drunk and throwing up; she just found out he had cheated on her, she cried in my arms and I just wanted to take the pain away. Long story short, he calls me and tells me how sorry he was and all this stuff he was going to do for her. She forgave him and so did I, yet going through the same thing at her age, I knew he would do it again and he did. They are still together...my daughter has been living w/ her Dad, we had joint custody but they were never close as she & my son did not like his new wife and her Dad gave all his attention to his wife, as he did to me when we were married. The children came 2nd to him, well this past Summer 2011, her Dad left his wife and my daughter got close to him, and her Dad just loves her boyfriend. During our divorce, my ex would tell the children how much he hated me, disrespected me, etc..it's just been a horrible situation. Anyway, my daughter started to distance herself from me after getting close to her Dad and after she left in August for Army Reserve training, I had some words w/ her boyfriend bc he was suppose to go w/ her but he didn't and I knew how upset she was as it was his idea to go, not hers. So he tells her about the several arguments we got in, and that is when it got worse. When she came home for Thanksgiving, she hardly said anything to me and I felt the distance, this was not the child I brought into this world. Since that, she has been outright mean, disrespectful and so ungrateful. She is close to his Mom now and when I saw her posting on her FB "I love you mommy" to his Mom, I was devastated and expressed it to her and she was just mean again. I have been torn up, crying everyday since August, and when I try to talk to her about it, she says I am crazy and etc. I left after Thanksgiving to California to stay w/ my brother bc I couldn't take the pain anymore, came back this May, just in time for Mothers Day, which she finally called me after 5 months and I thought we were on our way back together but when I got back, she was just as mean and ugly, and did not see me on Mothers Day but saw her step mom and her boyfriends Mom. My younger sister that has a young child and always beeen close to my daughter, is not supporting me but doing the opposite. I have no support except from an old best friend, but I am torn up, can't live my life as normal as I just think about it all my waking hours. Sometimes I don't won't wake up, but I do for my son and God but I don't know what to do and how to handle this.......I feel as though she died, I am having grieving feelings.....Help!
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se0amplied
Posts:
1
Registered:
5/14/12
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(807 of 808)
May 14, 2012 6:11 PM
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just love her!!!  |
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(806 of 808)
May 8, 2012 6:58 AM
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Kara I just saw your Post! It looks like many have not been back to post. But Please come check out this other site which I love!! It has helped me so much you will be amazed how many people are on there and you get email notifications when someone posts to the group or discussion you are following I love it!!!!
www.dailystrength.org
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CaraBoo13
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Kara Sharpe
Posts:
1
From:
London
Registered:
4/20/12
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(805 of 808)
Apr 20, 2012 3:55 PM
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I am so glad I found this forum. I am going through the same things. My daughters (shes 11) father wouldn't bring her home last weekend. I told him I would call the police, but he said he didn't care as she didn't want to come home. She has told me this herself on the phone. I am praying she will change her mind, I split up with her father 9 years ago and he has caused so much trouble. He is so angry and verbally abusive.I know he just wants to keep her to get at me.....and now he has. I am devastated to think she doesnt want me anymore. God knows what he is telling her.
I was glad to find I wasnt the only one having these problems as its a very scary time. I am lucky to have a great mum and sister though that are so supportive.
He has called social services, spoken to her school, called the police on me ( I begged her to come home but she said she didnt want to and he practiacally dragged her away)...I am at a loss as to what to do, as I cant make her come home and she wont talk to me.
Thanks again everyone, Kara xxx
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(804 of 808)
Mar 31, 2012 12:11 PM
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Hello Belann. I understand as a mother it is hard to walk away. It sounds like your daughter needs therapy more then anything else. She definitely has issues that have carried over from her teen years . I'm like a lot of anger and I'm sure most directed at her real dad but I'm sure she blames you for the entire mess because that's what kids do!!! I am no expert But I am going to give you a wonderful sight where there is a TON of support Daily!!!! I found it about a month ago and even tho this sight helped me tremendously This new one is amazing and you do get notified immediately when someone responds to your post. This site I have to check continentally and always don't remember. Anyway its called Daily Strength.org. And Good Luck I think you will find it EXTREMELy Helpful and educating! I am there Under Cara354.
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CaraBoo13
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Belann
Posts:
1
From:
london
Registered:
3/29/12
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(803 of 808)
Mar 29, 2012 11:47 AM
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Hello, I am new here. I brought my only daughter up alone from her being 2 when her father and I divorced. He went abroad and my daughter had rare contact with him. Since he came back to the UK 10 years ago she has hardly spoken to him. We used to be very close until shewas about 13 then she became very difficult. She was expelled from two schools and got into drugs. She smashed my house up on several occasions - breaking windows and china and jewellry. I stuck by her although I thought about putting her in care. When she was 15 I met my husband. I think it was a very bad time for her and I should not have married, but I did. She hates my husband and calls him names/says he is violent to her - he did once push her after she pulled me to the floor and kicked me. She eventually got to University with a lot of support from me and I paid for her to do her degree, then an MA. She never stopped being abusive. Now she is 30 and I still try to help. I have bought her a flat and am emotionally and financially as supportive as I can be. She is much better. The physical violence has stopped. She is trying to be responsible financially and I have stopped giving her money. She is still often rude - calls me stupid regularly whenever she is frustrated. Sometimes she calls me worse names. She continually tells me I do not love her. She never says sorry for her rudeness or cruelty and always blames me for not getting on together. It has now been 17 years since this started and I don't know how I have got through it. She has many times said she wished she were dead and threatened suicide. My husband doesn't understand why I continue to have contact with her and gets angry so I do not mention her to him or him to her. I know you will tell me to walk away from her but I can't. On Saturday I am going to go to a local co-dependency group. Reading your posts is helpful.love Belann
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(802 of 808)
Mar 18, 2012 6:05 AM
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Welcome to the Club Parrish! You have come to the right place. I wish I had an answer on how our flesh and blood who we would take a bullet for Can turn on us and become the cruelest, vile things walking the earth! There are no answers because only they have them inside their warped heads and they take up with evil SOBS and they feed off them and build them up to be even more confused and hateful! I have lost my daughter to a controlling evil parasite but unfortunately she has become a reflection of him and his miserable family. It is almost a year already and Life does go on. I know right now you are thinking to yourself.Does it? And At What Cost and Quality. Trust me it does get better. Its sad children are involved, but women some of them anyway ARE So Damn Stupid it amazes me at times!!! At this point you need to worry about you! Obviously you have found a place to go since you have computer access..You need to focus soley on you right now. Take the attitude its all about you and get strong. She may need that strength some day from you. Hopefully she wakes up and comes around before its too late to repair the damage she has done. Believe me I understand 300%. But please take care of yourself!!! You are safe here to complain and vent it helps alot!!!! Pls keep us posted!!!!!!
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CaraBoo13
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Parrish
Posts:
1
Registered:
3/15/12
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(801 of 808)
Mar 15, 2012 9:31 AM
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I am a total newbie here, so please bear with me . I found this site while looking for ways to deal with my adult daughter, who really does seem to hate me. I relocated here 3 years ago to help her with her 3 children after a terrible abuse situation with the children's father, her ex husband. I knew it could be risky, but I wanted to help give these kids a chance for stability and security as well as help my daughter move on with her career. Are you thinking, ENABLER yet?
I had some savings and used it to help with things and acted as her nanny and personal assistant for the next three years, until she met a man online. At first he was nice, but suddenly he started taking control, being major disciplinarian of the children, convincing her to move to different house, and during that move, made it quite clear that I was no longer welcome. My daughter seemed to change, totally. She no longer wanted me to have anything to do with the house, and started acting very strange towards me. The boyfriend started being very verbally abusive to the children and I told her that was not acceptable, she needed to protect her children. I was then told to move out. Two weeks ago, she kicked me out with no money, which she had said she would repay me to get settled, locked me out before I had moved all my things out, all in front of these poor children. Now this daughter must REALLY hate me! How can someone turn so ruthless and cruel ?
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(800 of 808)
Feb 25, 2012 3:51 PM
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Exactly (hadenough) thats why I didnt even acknowledge that comment. Christ I have one for you but ill send you an email dont feel like putting it out here right now . Look for email from me.
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CaraBoo13
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hadenough1
Posts:
11
Registered:
1/11/12
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(799 of 808)
Feb 25, 2012 3:45 PM
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Dear Xiaokaige
Not sure what you are on about. How can one be friends with someone, even a daughter when they wont talk to you and if or when they do it is lies, detremental accusations that are untrue. Please be more thoughtful before you reply
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xiaokaige
Posts:
1
Registered:
2/17/12
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(798 of 808)
Feb 17, 2012 8:09 PM
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You can try to be friend with your old girl.
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(797 of 808)
Feb 13, 2012 5:31 AM
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(((((((((((((((hadenough1)))))))))))
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I to am moving forward still have my moments but will not fall prey to my daughters wicked ways and unlike you I still have heard nothing!1 Well actually no let me retract that! I had received a SPAM email from her email acct and I said to my husband her email address book must have been hacked. He said the hell with her dont waste your time telling her. But I decided no because I want to see what she does. So I sent her a short cold email. I said you better check your computer I am receiving strange emails from you and also some other addresses in your email address book so it looks like you may have been hacked. I didnt address her by name nor did i sign mom or anything. She responds back .....sorry my email address book was hacked last night. However When I sent it to her I did not say who the others hacked were. She clearly knew because instead of just responding to the email I sent her......She sent a reply to all like i was a just a no one. That was it for me! It proved to me that I am just a nobody to her. IF after 9 months she had any caring in heart it was her oppertunity at that point to even make small talk, being she saw I was kind enough to say Check your computer . So IM okay and slowly accepting she is a waste of my precious time and my big heart. SO please stay strong Hadenough we give each other strength. My only regret is I have no other children to share my life with. But I have some wonderful friends and thank god for them!!!!! Love you Stay WEll!!!! XOXOXOOXOX
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CaraBoo13
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hadenough1
Posts:
11
Registered:
1/11/12
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(796 of 808)
Feb 12, 2012 2:55 PM
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Hey I have been getting on with life and I have discovered my self and I think I am pretty good. My daughter is missing out on an awesome person in her life and that is her problem not mine. My husband still doesn't get it but that is fine also as I am not going to tell him I love him, I like him, he is my friend. He asked what I wanted for valentines day. I didn't even respond.
I am out exercising at least 2 times a day, taking the dogs for walks,going for coffee and talking to my other children.
\The daughter had a 'spack' attack the other day and rang my husband and my son saying I am trying to contact mum urgently. In the past I would have phoned her immediately. This time my response to both husband and son is she know s my number she can call me. I am not calling her. She eventually rang me via my husband after leaving a nice sms on my phone but I refused to take the bait. I had a short conversation with her and told her to give her baby a hug for me. My husband is going back over to see her soon ( work related supposedly but when I said I was also going away the trip was posponed for a week) I am still going away at his expense.
I had to get right to the bottom of the barrel (if you know what I mean) to get to this point. But it can only be up from here.
Take care
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CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
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(795 of 808)
Feb 11, 2012 7:40 AM
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INTROVERT:
You sound great to me! I would give anything for my daughter to even want to call me! Your mom needs a wake up call she has no clue how lucky and blessed she is that you want to call her and tell her about your day. My daughter was wonderful for 30 years. Unfortunately once she met her hsband she became a stranger to every one in our family. She hates me mostly and has no valid reason why, At 39 years old she is hopeless. I feel bad for you because it sounds like you really do love your mom. I wish there was a way for her to see how much you care. I wish I had some good advice for you. All I can say is continue what you are doing and hope some day she gets a clue! Id give anything to tell her snap out of it and count your blessings! Many on here as with myself our children (or grown adults as many of them are) do not speak or see any of us! God Bless you and Best of Luck! And pls free to come and vent here anytime!!!
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CaraBoo13
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introvert
Posts:
2
From:
United States
Registered:
2/10/12
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(794 of 808)
Feb 10, 2012 6:10 PM
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So... in response to the original post.
It could be the teen in her or that you're not giving her enough space. I was really angst-y as a teen and lashed out in many different ways. Even at times when I knew my mom was just trying to help. My mom, though I love her to death, to this day doesn't understand me (introvert), and I don't know if she ever will.
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