please someone help me!!!! i have a 14 13 and 11 year old girls. things are fine between my 2 youngest but my oldest is a different story. i cant tell her anything that she doesn't blow up at me. when that happens i get upset and it goes down hill from there, what should i do please help
|
CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
|
|
(688 of 808)
Dec 19, 2011 7:18 AM
|
|
I have missed so much these last 2 months or so. I thought no one was writing here because I have not received any notifications in my email! Well I have just reset my preferences again so lets see what happens! Ok So Anyway today is now 7 months My daughter has no spoken to us. She has now resorted to calling relatives who do not even live in the same state as me and My Mother to ask them how my mom is. My mom is 91 in a nursing home and is right here near my home and my daughter;s home. So my daughter has now officially become a pot stirrer like the trash she lives with. But I gave her no reaction. I am sure she wanted me to call her or email her with something nasty to say so she could tell everyone see My mother is a sicko. However she has yet to realize she is the sicko, She is 38 and there is no excuse for the hell she has put us thru the last 8 years. The sad part is she has hurt us so much she is quickly starting to become a fading memory. I cannot take her abuse anymore and refuse to open that door back up again. It has taken me 8 long years to get back on my feet from a severe stroke and now my life has been free of lies and verbal sarcastic abuse for the last 7 months and it is like a weight off my shoulders. The Daughter We knew for 30 years and loved with all our hearts , allowed a little piece of herself to die off each year and she has totally changed her personality and forgot all the values and morals and most of all the respect she was raised with! And Suddenly now at 38 she has decided she hates me and She said I deserve to have a daughter who is on drugs and stole from me. My husband damn near lost his mind when she wrote that to me. We were both shocked, especially since we never ever had any issues with her until she met the parasite and his family 8 years ago. The only savingGRACE FOR ME NOW IS we have been left alone most holidays the last 8 years because every holiday is with his family and outsiders are not welcome. My daughter always says she married him and his family was just part of the package. I said and your family is????? never have gotten an answer. Her husband decided that I ruin her life everyday. I asked her what Have I done? She has no answer. I wanted to buy her a new washer and dryer last year and she told me she needed to speak to her husband and the subject was never brought up again. I wasn't aware I needed permission from him to buy her a gift.. She is our only child and as far as I am concerned she is the bigger loser here. Because when that sick bunch of morons turn on her and make no mistake they will because I have watched them the last 8 years eat their own, then she will find herself alone. She already has alienated most of her friends because her decided he did not like them. All the friends they have and associate with are his not hers. So I have no choice but to hope maybe she has an epiphany one day but I am not holding my breath on it. I wish all of you a Merry Christmas and MUCH BETTER NEW YEAR!! We know in our hearts we gave it our best shot, now its truly in Gods hands !
|
|
|
Teri Jo 2
Posts:
3
From:
Montebello, Ca.
Registered:
12/17/11
|
|
(687 of 808)
Dec 17, 2011 2:43 PM
|
|
You are not alone! Know that, but at 14 she needs to respect you, demand respect and common courtesy. Today's teenagers are rude and disrespectful and in school are taught that no one can spank them or it is child abuse. These children are having parents walking on egg shells, I am one of those parent. I am a single mom and my oldest just looked straight in my face flipping me off telling me she hates me and wishes I would die! It's not ok, she was tested for all her verbal abusive and is bipolar but will not take meads. She has made her choice so I make mine! She has to move. We have to hold our head up, stand up for what YOU believe and DO NOT ALLOW this ugliness especially when there are others affected. (siblings or elderly) my oldest will one minute yell hurtful things and curse and then laugh in my face, she has beat me up and not cared. I love her but I do not like her. She is in and out of jail and blames me! I have had many faults but if you allow your daughter to disrespect you now at 14 things will escalate! I drove my daughter to charter (mental hospital) when she was 15 and being there one day helped. There is also boot camp now that you can get them into. It at times, will break your heart but she will thank you. Good luck Mom stay positive, take charge and know always YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
|
|
|
brokenflipflop
Posts:
1
From:
manchester
Registered:
11/27/11
|
|
(686 of 808)
Nov 27, 2011 11:18 AM
|
|
I've lost both my daughters.....to the mother-in-law. Imagine the most evil person in the world and times it by 10, that's the mother-in-law. My youngest daughter is 17 and she walked out and moved in with the M-I-L when she was told off for telling lies to us. My eldest is almost as evil as the mother-in-law. She has called me the worst names imaginable. The M-I-L has spent 22 years trying to split me and my wife up and she thought bribing my girls away would do the trick - it didn't. She even told my youngest to tell my wife that I had tried to mess about in an inappropriate sexual way with my daughter the sick bitch. My eldest is now 21 and lives with her boyfriend. She is a very vindictive and nasty piece of work and my youngest has been manipulated and brainwashed by her sister and the M-I-L. My wife was always treated like a slave by her mother and is petrified of her. I've not seen my youngest for over a year and my eldest for over 2 years. I did everything for those girls, worked hard with the added stress of a twisted M-I-L to contend with and what's my reward. My wife and I feel betrayed, bereaved, depressed with just our memories of our children. I don't think the joy children bring is worth this kind of pain further down the line, I really don't.
|
|
|
heavyheart
Posts:
1
Registered:
11/25/11
|
|
(685 of 808)
Nov 25, 2011 1:12 AM
|
|
My daughter and I have been very close her whole life. Her dad and I are divorced. I got sole custody because of some of his outbursts and violence. Her father was never there for her. She is 17 now and I found out that right under my nose he has been bad mouthing me on the phone with her. We were planning on college tours and all of a sudden I was totally taken out of the mix. She has called me a ""cking b**ch, cu**, and worse. She has treated me horribly. I have done everything for her, been there for her. Every time I would try to discipline her her father would undermine me, sending her money. When I took her texting away he sent her an i-phone. He has basically done everything that he could to make me out to be the wicked witch. She told me her friend's mom has been more of a mom to her than I ever could be. It cut like a knife. He is also supposed to have supervised visitation and she went to see him without my permission. I called to talk to her before she left and she told me to mind my fu**ing business. I am sure she has bad mouthed me to everyone there and told them all how bad of a mother I have been. On top of everything my own sister threw me under the bus as my daughter has been staying there with no supervision and talking with my ex behind my back. They set her up with a car without my permission. Sister sent her away to visit him without my permission. I am just devastated. My daughter would never speak to my ex like she speaks to me. He is wonderful in her eyes because he is constantly throwing money and things her way. Anytime I have tried to discipline her, he just throws something else her way. Today was the first time that we did not spend Thanksgiving together. She did not even call me. I have never told her father that he could not see her. In fact, I used up plenty of my own vacations so that he could. Did the same so that she could see his mother, who he hates. I am having to let it all go. I have tried and tried but I cannot turn the other cheek any longer. Every time I am hopeful something else happens and she is ugly to me once again and then I am back to square 1 with the hurt. The bottom line is that I would not treat a cockroach the way that she has treated me and I cannot make any more excuses. No one should be treated like that. I love her more than life itself but I cannot have any more contact with her as it is just eating me alive. He is loving this because he is so vindictive and what he doesn't realize is what it is doing to our daughter. My mother and father are both gone. Today I really could have used my mom's help. To think that my own sister could have done this to me also. I don't even want to go to her graduation as I don't want her humiliating me any further. I just never thought that it would be so easy for her to turn on me and feel no remorse at all about treating me this way. I am so thankful for good friends as that is what has gotten me through so far. My heart is absolutely breaking but I just have to let it go. I am sorry for everyone here as there is nothing like the heartbreak of losing someone who you love so very much.
|
|
|
jojojo
Posts:
1
From:
baton rouge
Registered:
11/23/11
|
|
(684 of 808)
Nov 23, 2011 6:26 PM
|
|
My Daughter is married and almost 30, I cant understand why she hates me so much. When she was 6-7 years old i was an alcoholic, and that is the worst that I have ever done wrong. Me and her mom have been divorced since she was 4 and her grandparents have always disliked me. I do now and have always loved her more than life it self. I have never even spanked her as a child. I just wish there was something I could do to make peace with her, but the x in laws are always right there. I was not even asked to be a part of her wedding, and now there is a Granddaughter there that I love very much and miss, but she and the inlays moved across the country. I do not get to spend any holidays since they moved her away when she was about 10, and now with the baby there no holidays or birthdays because that's her moms side of her family's time. I'm lucky if I get a call for fathers day or my b-day much less a card or a gift. It really hurts, and I always go into this deep depression right at this time of the year, and the rest of my family pays for it. I'm lucky if I can get her to pick up one of my many calls to her and the baby. If Theresa anything I can do someone please tell me? If anything I want my Granddaughter to know me, and would love to spend a birthday or/and Christmas with them. She just told my mother that Theresa another grandpa on the way. Does she really Hate me? I just try to not belie that, but Jim tiered of wishing for that call or that card and being disappointed. My self steam is gone. I have not been in a relationship in over 12 years. Please give me some advice...
|
|
|
MayaDixon
Posts:
1
From:
Stirlingshire Scotland
Registered:
11/21/11
|
|
(683 of 808)
Nov 21, 2011 9:00 AM
|
|
Hi everyone I am new here. I have had problems with my daughter since she was 16 she is now 30. We have grown apart over the years but I have tried very hard to keep the bond between us strong. She has 2 children who I adore. She parted from he first partner the father of her little girl due to her having an affair and getting pregnant with my grandson. The pregnancy was a nightmare but after she and the father got together as a couple. To say I have found her life style choices stressful is putting it mildly but I have always supported her and loved her. I adore my Grandchildren and I cannot do enough for them. I am at a place in my life where I am very happily re-married and content but my daughter seems intent on running me down and belittling me at every opportunity. Its like she hates me but I don't know why! The last straw came at the weekend when we had my granddaughter overnight and took her for breakfast the next morning and she informed me that her mother "Hates Me". She is 5 years old and I am sickened by this. I had it out with her and apparently its all my fault and I should get a grip! I have had enough this time, I am so upset I cant even bring myself to talk to her even though its her 30th birthday tomorrow and I had planned loads of stuff.....Where did it all go wrong?
|
|
|
Guest
|
|
(682 of 808)
Nov 19, 2011 1:32 PM
|
|
Absolutely devastating!!!! My daughter and two sons have been with me since their dad left in 2010. Within weeks of him deciding that he was leaving he was introducing OUR children to his new girlfriend, my son's godmother. Low and behold who was there picking up the pieces, reassuring the children and taking good care of them, with no emotional or financial support from him (surprise surprise it was like living with 4 kids when we were together anyway), So to watch this juvenile, narcissistic socio-path in action was hardly a surprise. How on earth would I protect my children from his cruel and immature mind games without getting involved in the game-play. What an impossible feat????My children have struggled, particularly my girl, who despite all of my efforts has now turned on me. I thought my daughter had started to adjust to our new life my new partner and our new home, however following a foolish mistake made my daughter doesn't even want to know!!! She doesn't respond to my txt messages, refuses to acknowledge me and even refused to speak to her 8yr old brother today, hanging up the telephone on him. This is totally devastating for us all. I realise that I have probably done things wrong but her dad has too, but while he is living his lavish lifestyle and showering her with things that I can ill afford, I feel my relationship with her is slipping and I don't know what to do. This has left the boys completely heartbroken and I am struggling with not having my precious little girl with me.
|
|
|
iworkatpeacocks
Posts:
1
From:
derbyshire UK
Registered:
11/18/11
|
|
(681 of 808)
Nov 18, 2011 10:50 AM
|
|
Please help me my daughter lives with a "control Freak" who has totally poisoned my daughter against me I never liked him from the first day I ever set eyes on him,and now she has chosen to make her life with him,she has 2 children1 boy whom I have not seen since he was a baby crawling(he is now 7) and agirl 4 who I didn't even know she was having until I saw Congratulations in the births in my local paper from his family my son commited suicide 7 years ago and she says It's my fault! I now have no one left,my husband is'nt her father she sees her own father (myex husband) regularly I believe but he was the one who left me to bring them up on my own because he had someone else.I feel nothing but pure hatred toward this man with whom she has made her life ,I gave her and her brother the best years of my life strugling to bring them up on my own and this is my repayment ,,,,,His parents are reaping all the rewards of my daughters affection and my two grandchildren.I am at my wits end even after all this time. Lisa, if only you knew what you have done to me!
|
|
|
confessa
Posts:
4
From:
Oklahoma
Registered:
11/12/11
|
|
(680 of 808)
Nov 13, 2011 12:57 PM
|
|
|
|
|
CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
|
|
(679 of 808)
Nov 13, 2011 11:56 AM
|
|
OKAY!!! You do what you have to do Plus it is great therapy to study! ITS ALL ABOUT YOU NOW!!! And you tell yourself everyday ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!!! I deserve happiness and success and I will laugh in the face of the evil SOBS!!!! I am here pulling for you Please Know that!!! And dont you worry you are doing anything wrong on this thread. There is no wrongs when you are reaching out for help and support! WE are all always just an email away! Please Know that!!!
|
|
|
confessa
Posts:
4
From:
Oklahoma
Registered:
11/12/11
|
|
(678 of 808)
Nov 13, 2011 10:46 AM
|
Hi Caraboo 13 - I really didn't mean to overwrite the original 'm,y daughter hates me'. I am new to here and this is the only way I am actually sure to post anything. I hope this is okay. If there is another way I am supposed to be doing things, please let me know! I wanted to let you know I appreciated your quick and heart-felt response to my agony. I really feel you know what I have experienced. There has not been 1 single person telling me I have a right to feel the way I do but you summed up why I feel like I do. It is grief, anger, hurt, betrayal, lies, humiliation, - all the ugly words one wishes they could avoid. This stupid lump in my throat and tears in my eyes are just ready to burst every time I think of it and sometimes now even if I don't think of it. I feel safe on this site - I haven't had anyone tell me anything negative which would make me leave and I hope I don't hear anything bad right at this moment - I really don't need to hear another insincere fool who has a need to 'kick someone when they're down' attitude to be letting me know how wonderful their life is because they did everything right compared to my rotten life. You have lifted my spirits. I appreciate it so very much. I know you know just how much it means to have someone on my side for once. I am not one of those people who are out to get sympathy because I screwed up to get people to believe a lie. This has really happened and things like this really do happen! Innocent people get hurt. Sometimes so badly over a period of many years that yes, they do break once in a while and need a helping hand to encourage them to get back up yet one more time. Thank you for your support. Please feel free to write me anytime and I will try to keep you all posted as to what is happening though it may be few and far between for a time as I am ducking out, hiding, and trying to get through my school. Yes, I need to leave but I just don't have the resources and extra time to be working and finishing my school - the school has a deadline of January 14th. If I don't finish, I will have to purchase another extension which I cannot do. So I know I must bite the bullet for a few months in order to graduate and get a job Thank you again - you're terrific :D
|
|
|
CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
|
|
(677 of 808)
Nov 13, 2011 6:58 AM
|
|
Ahhhh My Dear sweet Confessa! You are not whining you are Shocked! hearbroken! Feel betrayed by people you thought would never ever do this to you. Youre Angry and Youre hurt. All Normal Darling. And All OKAY! And so what if you having a pity party. You are entitled too!!! I was told when I lost my eyesight from My stroke that I use it to be dramatic. I am A Drama Queen you know because Now I am partially blind, cant work and my driving is limited. Except for my husband I have to say basically every one I have loved in my life has let me down. HOWEVER!!!!! They wont Put me down! Or TELL Me How to Live! Honey youre stronger then you think!!!! You have already endured the hurt and humilation. Gues What: the rest is a walk in the park unless you ALLOW it to swallow you up! And I think just the fact you found this site and youre typing about it You are going down Kicking and screaming which means you will be back up!!! All You need is One good friend! You dont 20 family members or phonies or useless losers in your life. Just one good friend. And turn that anger and hate and shock into something positive. YES ITS DIFFICULT!!!! Took Me 6 months to accept this BS and decide its my life or let them win and bury me with a Broken heart. No Way!!!! NO ONE IS WORTH YOUR LIFE even a clueless child who you gave and sacrificed for most of your life. They have just proven it means nothing to them. Time to cut the cord no matter how much it hurts. Pray some day they get it. Even tho In My heart I believe my stupid daughter at 38 years old is way beyond getting it, because like I said They set up and create their own dynamis: they think suddenly the lives they just horrible!!! Remember ROSE ANNE BARR years back decided her father was no good because she claims he was molesting her as an Infant? PLEASE!!!! OUR Kids are the Drama Queens not us. Because all the kids today need excuses to justify their own failures or unhappiness they decide to pin it on their parents or one parent. I see this alot and hear it here all the time! Realize you are OKAY and you are going to be okay!!! Get some assistance it is out their financially! If it means moving into one room and slinging burgers at McDonalds until you find something better then so be it! You will find you feel much better about yourself! Dont worry what others think or say because when you come back with a vengence of strength they will pick up their toys and move to another sand box because you wont be fun to pick on anymore! Move away and forget them all. baby Steps I believe you can do it!!! And You feel free to whine here or bitch and moan all you want!!! No one here is judging you we have all walked in your shoes same story different day! Please keep me posted!!! I will try to check daily because I dont receives notifications for some reason until days after things are posted! Go Figure!!!!
|
|
|
confessa
Posts:
4
From:
Oklahoma
Registered:
11/12/11
|
|
(676 of 808)
Nov 12, 2011 4:03 PM
|
|
Hi CaraBoo13: I really need someone to talk with. Well, today the 1 year old twins came over. I am living with my parents as I am going through a divorce. I was left out of my grandbabies 1st birthday and there are pics plastered everywhere on fb of my sister and my grandbabies, my parents, my son etc with my grandbabies. Well, today my dad just got a call from my son's woman who he wants to be his real mother and she said her and Cothy has been talking and she is coming down to relieve us of the twins. It just broke my heart. My father told her to come and get the twins without even asking my mom and me. This is my only child. I have no husband, no family to speak of, no son, no grandchildren - no support group except for you all who I just have found and it seems to me I am just not wanted anywhere. When I cry and am upset I am told I am having a pity party - no compassion, no hugs, no nothing from anyone. My soon to be ex made me sell my car because he didn't want to pay insurance or tags on it and I had just paid it off before we got married 6 months ago. I have no job. NOTHING. I really am down and if it bothers people that I am whining and upset - then this truly is a compassionless world. I really have nothing. If anyone knew what that meant and what it really feels like to have everyone in your life that you love treat you wrong, then I am sorry for you and my heart goes out to you. I am just flailing around here, beating my wings, trying to figure how to get myself out of my lonely prison being I have no money, no job, no vehicle, no friends plus I live out in the boonies. I do have my online school that I am hoping to God I can get through and find something online before my ex disconnects my phone and internet service. Sorry for blowing off steam. I swear if I ever get out of this situation, first thing I am going to do if I pass the school tests and get a job is earn money to get a car and someplace to move off to away from everyone and try somehow to start a new life. I am 54 years old - some chance of starting anew. But for the meantime I am suffering humiliation of the worst kind, insults, hatred, blame and I am trying my best to get through it unscathed but my scars are showing and it is honestly so hard to come out smiling after being brutalized. I am so afraid of just going totally insane. Like maybe one day they will find me in a dream world in my little room with a smile on my face where I am pretending everything is okay. I have dreams where everything is okay and I only wake up to a nightmare of reality. Oh well.
|
|
|
CaraBoo13
Posts:
67
From:
North East
Registered:
8/30/11
|
|
(675 of 808)
Nov 12, 2011 6:10 AM
|
|
Ok Ladies I am going to try to lift your spirits. It is Now 6 months My daughter has not spoken to me and if you scan back a few pages you will see the hell I have endured from her, her husband and his Mean vicious family for the last 8 years! Confessa I would love to say to you that just keep loving them and they eventually get over it: I'm sorry they are clueless. I have allowed my daughter to verbally abuse me, humiliate me plus she has bad mouthed me to her in laws ,her husband and I never even knew this was going on until the Sh*t hit the fan this may! She is 38 and She is manipulated and convinced, My husband and I are the 2 most horrible people working the earth. She went from my loving daughter and best friend to my worst enemy and nightmare! I'm sorry to say but sometimes tough Love Just Must come into play! You Know in your heart the sacrifices you made and the life you did you're very best to give your child. Believe me you are not alone in this grief and hurt and anger!! But It will only kill you If you allow it. I am done. I prayed to God to give me the strength to get over this because every Olive branch i have tried to throw out in the first 3 months was turned into something ugly and twisted by my daughter and her inlays. So Now I am finally at peace because my demise would make them all so happy! Pick yourself up dust yourself off and if need be see a counselor!! Its Ok to cry and be sad but its not okay to be like that for the rest of your life!!! You cannot Change people So here are some words I have come to Live by : I've learned in my old age that those who matter most, are taken far too soon, And those who matter least are too damn stupid to realize it ! And some who use to matter suddenly believe they never did. I do not have the time and Energy to debate their warped conclusions: ]There is not enough hours in the day to fix them.You can’t change other people, the realities they create or the dynamics they set up! I have Come to realize that in the Vast Landscape of my Interior Life Some people are just a mere spec of dust and need to remain as such! Life is what you make it and who you surround yourself with on a daily basis is what defines you. Actions or( Lack of) SPEAK LOUDER then Words. Talk is cheap and can only hurt you if you allow it along with the people who Twist your words and theirs . People get over being angry: But They Do not get over being hurt. My daughter has hurt me more then I could ever have imagined in my life. And It is 8 years now And the hurt only worsens which is Why I finally chose to walk away And the Best part is She spews hatred on her FB page and We have not spoken in actually over 6 months now. So who is making her miserable? Sometimes you must remove yourself from the equation to see it really isn't you upsetting them They just think we are their punching bags because we give unconditional love. Guess what We are only Human and you can only beat us just so much before it truly becomes old!!..
|
|
|
confessa
Posts:
4
From:
Oklahoma
Registered:
11/12/11
|
|
(674 of 808)
Nov 12, 2011 5:39 AM
|
I am sorry to hear you are having this trouble. Sometimes just knowing others have similar troubles minimizes some of the pain. I have a son who hates me - he is 26 years old with 1 year old twins. He says I deserve to live and die lonely, with no friends, no family, nothing. I have done nothing to deserve this hatred. My parents, sister, brother and his wife all have their personal problems and someone has to end up the scape goat in the family and it has always been me. My son has grown up around this attitude and it has totally destroyed our relationship. I cry constantly. It hurts when I see holiday pictures of my family with my son and his twins. It hurts when I see other families so happy on FB and I have nothing to show. I love my son and I wish him nothing but the best and that God will always take care of him. This has gone on well over 6 years now. I have never seen or heard of anything like this.  I AM A VERY SAD PERSON and I am trying to figure out if anyone has any ideas on how to help me figure out things to do to replace the lost joy in my life without me just bursting into tears at the most inopportune times. Back to your post (I am sorry for intruding into mine) but my heart goes out to you. I wish I knew what you could say or do to stop her attitude but I don't know of anything except showing them love when they show you hate and maybe to let her know it hurts you and you are sorry she feels that way towards you because you will know you have said your peace and let her know you love her. What more can a person do?
|
|
|
|
|