I have often wondered why me in all the years that have passed. My problem with my daughter started when she was 14. Like the rest of you we went through it all.
After so many years of this and that, drugs, jail, not hearing from her I have to share this little blessing.
My daughter is now 37 and doing fine. I have always been there for her thru thick and thin. Wondering when will it end! Last year at this time she was arrested with her boy friend for meth or trying to purchase things to make it.
She called me from jail and all she could say through tears and crying is, "MOM!! PLEASE DON"T HATE ME!!! THATS ALL I ASK IS PLEASE DON"T HATE ME"!
Well my heart broke because of couse I could never hate her. Just thinking about that call brings tears to my eyes.
I looked for help from every where and all I could find was let it go...close the door...do not help...
So I didn't help her with bail...she sat in jail for about one month...her boy friend about two months...his family turned thier backs on him.
I did keep the lines open for her to call if she needed to talk. Well she called every day.
When they both got out they were on the streets and trying very hard to get thier lives together. Not much success, no where to shower or sleep, no phone for a call for jobs.
So here is the blessing for me. I just couldn't leave it at that. I looked on craigs list for a very cheap apt. I found one for $250.00 a month bills paid. I told my daughter the next time she called to check it out. Well she jumped on it.
I told them both that I would pay the first months rent and then it was up to them to make it.
Well it has been a year and her boy friend has had the same job for all this time. She has been taking care of and elderly neighbor for all this time. They are still clean from drugs still in the same apt. and saving money to buy a house.
All I know is that we all take it one day at a time and from time to time we all need help emotionally or physically.
The other day her boy friend said to us, "I just can't believe that you guy's have forgiven me and helped me when I was way down". He asked my husband if he could call him dad. He said he is the first person that ever cared enough to help and he takes all the advise my husband offers.
My daughter thanks us every time we talk.
We are blessed but it took a long, long time.
Never give up!!!

Lia. T S.......Your story is not new to us. The raw emotions are horrible to deal with. Read our blogs and know you aren't alone. Everyone says it will get better. I do know the pain does get easier to deal with. You have to find your coping mechanism and hang with it. One thing for sure you have to grow a second layer of skin because they will not be guilted in to making it easier on you and when you show your pain they despise it and feed on it like a mad dog in a meat house. It is exhausting and consuming if you allow it to be.
I think the lying and manipulation is part of teenage defiance and rebellion, the cold looks are frightening. As far as the abuse, that is your choice to allow it or not. Just pick your battles wisely and never threaten what you won't back up.
Love n prayers to you.

Hello again moms,

I thought I would give you all an update on my situation.

Here is a short recap:

My 16 (almost 17) year old daughter moved in with her father and stepmom about 4 months ago. She said horrible things to me like how she was not able to talk to me and how she and I always argued. Her father just came back into her life a few years ago (and never paid child support). She really talked bad about me to her father and they all sucked it up good.

Now lets fast forward to just yesterday:

I called my daughter to tell her about some good news (her uncle, my brother is expecting his first child). When I was on the phone with her, she seemed really embarrased cause her dad his his friend were being loud and obnoxious in the background. She even asked them to quiet down and apologized to me for their rudeness. I kept things positive and the conversation short. I also told her that I would be sending her a little bit of money because I knew she could use it (yeah I'm feeling a bit sorry for her even though she is the one who made the decision to leave and was rude to me).

Like many of you here, I have cried and screamed and wondered what I did that was so wrong and how my daughter could be so awful toward me. I had to learn that it wasn't really me after all. I'm going on with my life, but at the same time I am letting my very confused daughter know that I am still there. I'm not crying anymore and I'm not badgering her anymore either. I call her now MAYBE twice a month and keep things short and positive.

Hi Everyone... I haven't posted in a very long time, but I wanted to share something with you. I'm hoping it might give some of you hope.. Just to update you, my daughter, who is 37, stopped speaking to me 3 years ago. I don't really know why, but it wasn't the first time. She had done it before, but never for this long.. She even moved to Germany with her husband and my grandchildren and never even said goodbye.. I ventured on a journey of heartbreak to finding peace in my life.. I have totally changed the way I look at things over the last 3 years, and feel so much stronger, spiritual and healthy because of it.

But what is truly amazing is what happened a few weeks ago.

I'm sure some of you have heard of vision boards. It's basically a board where you post things you want to happen in your life. Last summer I made a vision board and I put a picture of my family on it with a message, "I want whatever this is between my daughter and I to be healed, once and for all". Then I forgot about it.

While shopping about a month ago with my husband, I saw a cross in a store and thought my daughter would like it. I showed it to my husband, he said "get it", I said "no..she probably wouldn't want it.". but something kept pulling me back to that display and I ended up purchasing the cross.

Here's the really amazing thing.. That same week, my daughter was in a store, noticed a cross in a display case, and the thought came to her that I'd really like it. She did the same thing I did, kept walking away from it, but something kept pulling her back. She even left the store, got in her vehicle, tried to leave, but something very overwhelming told her to go back inside and buy that cross.

Remember, we haven't spoken in 3 years. Why we would both think of buying the other a gift in the same 48 hour period after 3 years is pretty amazing.

She sent it to me with a note telling me how much she's missed me and she just wants whatever this is between us to be healed, once and for all..There was no blame, no judgement, no excuses..Just a message of of love..I sent her the cross I had purchased for her, explaining how I ended up buying it, and told her I think the cross symbolizes forgiveness, and that's why we were both drawn to a cross and felt an overwhelming need to buy them.

We have now been in contact quite a bit and our relationship seems to have changed significantly on some level.. It's like we see each other through fresh eyes and appreciate each other like we never could before.

I'm not a religious person, but I am very spiritual. When I made that vision board, I put everything that was in my heart on it, I sent it out to the universe, or to God, however you want to say it, and then I let it go and forgot about it.

I know this may sound airy fairy, but I have no doubts that the universe, our angels, God, whatever, guided us to those crosses. That isn't something I ever could have imagined would be the thing that brought us back together... Such a small jester, and yet, it's all it took.

I know you are all in pain, trying to heal your broken hearts and desperate to understand and/or fix what is happening between you and your daughters... Some of you are very angry... I was too... Some of you will read what I just wrote and tell me where to stick it.. But the one thing I've learned from this lesson is that it's better to just let it go.. Let the universe, God and time, heal this wound.

You can hang on to the past, like I did for a very long time, or you can just let it go. Release your self from so much pain and heaviness.. Live for today, not for tomorrow and never in yesterday.

We can't change our yesterdays...we can't control our tomorrows.. but we can live in today... So that's what I hope you can all do.. Live for today, let your self breath, notice all the good things in your life, let the rest of it go and let time heal this wound.

Much love to you all... As they say, this too shall pass.. Time will repair this wound...For now, just let it go!

Courtney.......someday she will thank you....just not today. Take heart...you did what was best for her.

Well, the fact that there have been 494 replies to this topic has made me realize I am not alone. My 21 year old cannot seem to be around me for a minute without the hateful attitude. It's causing tension in the house and my husband and I have finally put our foot down. She only has to follow one rule when in our house -- speak respectfully. If she doesn't, she's out of here. It wasn't pretty when we reinforced it for the first time today, but out she went (she has her own apt, but her roommate had her boyfriend there this weekend.) I've been verbally abused by her for too long. She says she hates me, that I have all of the issues, etc. etc. I am trying very hard not to buy into her statements. I know I was/am a good mom, despite the mistakes we all make. I told her she can think what she wants, but that I don't want to hear it any more. Luckily, I have a supportive husband, but he keeps getting in the middle of these altercations. When will this end?

> Modernmom and Grammy.......there are many of us in the same boat. I have cried and even screamed form the hurt. I have lost all pride and begged my child to come home and love us. We have only received rudeness and disrespect in return. This weekend my oldest daughter finally broke and cried and let me know that she needs me and how hurt she is to not only have lost a sister, but her mom as well. I got my wake up call. There are people in this world that need and want our emotions and participation in their lives and we can't fix the ones that don't. If you knew where it was broken you could fix it, but most times it is just that they do not want us in their lives, for whatever reason.
> It is painful. It is devastating. It is wrong. But we cannot let that be what defines us.
> love and prayers........

This is very good advice. My ex-husband knew this so many years before I accepted it. Sometimes you just have to get on with your life and let your children get on with theirs.