HELLO! AFTER TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT´S GOING ON WITH YOUR DAUGHTER CAN I ASK WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? I ALSO HAD A LOUSY CHILDHOOD BUT DON´T PUNISH MYSELF ADDING DRINKING OR GETTING FAT! DEAR, YOU ARE ALIVE! FIRST LOVE YOURSELF! YOUR DAUGHTER KNOWS YOU´RE WEAK! YOU DON´T NEED TO BUY YOUR FAMILY´S LOVE! WHY THE CAR? DOES SHE DESERVE IT? AND WHAT ABOUT THE TV,..! YOU DON´T HAVE TO GIVE EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR DECISIONS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ¡YOU ARE THE MOTHER , THE GROWNUP, ! THINGS ARE YOURS! YOU CAN "TELL" WHY YOU DECIDED SOMETHING BUT YOU MUST NOT´T ADMIT TO GIVE AN " EXPLANATION" TO YOUR CHILDREN!. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? THE MOTHER, THE OWNER, THE ONLY ONE?SHE´S JUST A SPOILED POOR CHILD OF 18 YEARS! IF YOU CONTINUE BEING SO PERMISSING, SHE´LL ONLY GET WORSE! IF YOU LOVE HER TRY TO PUT THINGS IN I´IT'S PLACE... SAVE HER FROM HERSELF! IT SEEMS TO ME THAT SHE´S NOT IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION SO PROBABLY , IF YOU DON´T MAKE SOME CHANGES SHE´LL HAVE A LIFE FULL OF PROBLEMS ...TRY TO STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF, STOP DRINKING(SHE KNOWS THAT AND PROBABLY HATES YOU FOR YOUR WEAKNESS, SORRY TEENS ARE LIKE THAT!)TRY TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR PAST... YOU´VE GOT A LIFE IN FRONT! YOU HAVE TO WIN HER RESPECT! DON´T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM OTHERS , DO ALL YOU CAN BY YOURSELF, THEN YOU´LL START TO FEEL BETTER AND YOU´LL SURELY AND INSTINCTIVELY KNOW WHAT TO GIVE, WHEN TO SAY NO, WHEN TO SPEAK OR GIVE AN EXPLANATION.. STOP LOOSING..!!!! YOU DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED AND LOVED AS ANYBODY BUT YOU´LL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR OWN OLD RULES..
WHISH YOU WELL! (I´M A SPANISH SPEAKER ... LUCK WITH MY ENGLISH!)

Interesting to find this forum after a search of my 20-year-old daughter hates me.

I would not exactly sum it up like that in reality, but seemed a quick way to find a group like y'all's. Here's my story, or rather, the impetus for writing this:

My daughter just left, on her way back to where she lives for her summer job, in housing paid for by the company. She's leaving because we had a run in last night. But that was after about four hours of a great time.

Yesterday, Saturday, I picked my daughter up in NYC after she took a bus ride here from her work place, to stay the weekend - but the main point being to pick up her car - which was here, being fixed. The engine had been completely ruined on a car I bought for her (after asking my father for 1/2 of the cost, since I could not afford it. I also used the money I had been planning to spend on a promised gift of a camera for my son. So this was a sacrifice to buy the car for her a couple of years ago - but she doesn't think much about the sacrifice).

So, anyway, had her car towed from her work to our local gas station at a cost of $400 because the local guy would fix the car for $3,000 less than anyone in her area. Picked her up, took her to China Town for a quick dinner, eating it in the car, on the way to take her to have her roots touched up.

Keep in mind, I have had a very hard time financially so this was all like a beautiful gift from God to us - as we have known being hungry, etc. My husband died and we were left in poverty.

So my daughter, Saturday, gets in the car, eats the Chinese food, gets her hair colored, comes home to eat with me and my dad - and then says she's going to play video games. And I realize uh-oh!! I gave the tv to my son, without telling her. She throws tantrums. So I figured better let him have it without telling her.

But didn't think about the fact the tv would be gone when telling her to come home to get the car when fixed.

So, after asking my dad to pay the almost two thousand dollars for the car, my daughter is in the house finding out there's no tv for her to play (no BIG SCREEN TV) we do have a regular one. But the big one was a gift for the children so she was furious I let him take it.

She came running after me, as I know by now when she's in a tizzy LEAVE. I'd gone for a walk (really to call my son on the cell phone and warn him). I was able to hide the phone, quickly, so she thought I was just going for a walk (to avoid her, obviously. That she knew). And she tried to talk a little bit (in a tantrum fashion though) to show me how wrong I was to let him have the TV and how I supposedly favor him (well he doesn't throw tanstrums so he IS a lot easier!).

So I said if she thinks about it she'll realize it's jealousy. And that I'd let him do it because he had some editing work to do and needed a monitor. (True. It is not about watcing TV).

So she goes into the garage where there's my car (on her way into the house) and she sees a glass bottle of grape juice - and throws it! Crash.

Under my car.

Then she went to sleep on the sofa, with her boots on, until the morning. At which time she left.


She would tell you that I favored my son by giving him the TV and that it was disappointing for her not to be able to play games. And that I am fat, and can never loose weight. And that the money I spent on her wasn't my money anyway so there's no need to be grateful to me. And that she's grateful for the Chinese food, ride and that that has nothing to do with giving Steve a TV. And she would say that I deserve having glass thrown under my car and too bad.

She has no sense of feeling bad about things. I really am perplexed by her. It was worse when she was a teen. But I have a feeling the people at her job hate her. Who wouldn't?

She is very beautiful. Smart. Just rude as can be, self-centered. Thinks that other people are shallow, not her. She even gets mad at God.

There feels like no way to talk to her. She just gets angry.

Sometimes I wonder if all of our daughters are depressed. Could depression be epidemic? And we are all seeing the results?

Is it from seeing TV and assuming that because all shows depict children who hate their parents, that they should hate them too?

I honestly find almost nothing pleasurable about my daughter. I pray to be with her without even flinching so she can not see that she is not even a pleasant person to be with.

I am not proud of her though I say so to make her feel good about herself when she does something good. And when she acts like throwing the glass, I tell her i am disappointed in her.

I take great care NEVER to respond in like fashion and NEVER to be unloving.

I keep telling myself seven times seventy when i am tempted to pout or not answer her.

She is a miserable person. I think a lot of the problem with kids these days is that we ALL allow these kids to make comments to each other like, "idiot, not like that..."

They are SOOOOOOOOOO rude to one another!

They say o that's how people talk.

Yeah, well, that's why we hate you kids. lol We are trying so hard to be loving examples!And all you are doing is taking advantage and being rude back.

I thought the girl here who took the time to write a very thoughtful, honest, insightful letter to moms was really, really brilliant. Thank you, so much for that.

Yes, we were all daughters. In my case, I had a mother who was like a two-year-old. She could never share, was all about her and never ever ever showed me things like how to tie my shoes. I had to figure it out. She said I was too stupid to learn. So let me tell ya THAT'S a mother ya don't want! lol

So I PROMISED myself I will be a GOOD mother, a KIND mother, an INSTRUCTIVE mother, a LISTENING mother.

And what I found out is: kids with good mothers don't recognize that they are in fact good mothers!

Part of my biggest obstacle though was that because of the fire I had my kids around MY MOTHER! Who ws always telling my kids how awful I am. How stupid, how ugly. So guess what my kids grew up thinking? That the nice mother was the fool.

So it has been a challenge!!!

But one thing I have promised myself: NEVER EVER EVER EVER to be unloving or mean or childish to my daughter.

So ok maybe something went awry and she is a beast. But it will not ever be that I fed into that!
I will not behave like that and I will not be like all the people who say o tough love.

tough love makes these kids WORSE - and it just gets YOU out of the problem - and only for a while. Tough love is EXACTLY what Jesus preached AGAINST.

The Pharisees were unloving and superficial.

I will not be like that. I will be loving to my daughter (even though I feel like I can't stand her personality nor her choices!! lol She seems like a beast. )

I am grately looking forward to when she has a real job and LEAVES. And I will be grateful when she gets married - if anyone will ever marry her!

The painful thing is I can see she is not happy. And I can see she is being mean because she feels the world is mean to her!

LET'S ALL PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER'S DAUGHTERS, PLEASE~!! That this ends. And that whatever social phenomena causes this, ends!!

I completely understand how you feel. My (then) 15 year old daughter decided to leave me and my husband (who has known her since she was four years old and has been her stepdad since six) to live with her father who was a decent father (bad husband) She wanted to live with him because (now I know) he was seldom home (at the bar) and she had more freedom. She rarely wanted to see me or talk to me unless she was not getting what she wanted or he yelled at her (which I was very familiar with) He knew he had high blood pressure but continued to live his lifestyle. I am in no way innocent - I have my own vices - (and please, ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGISTS, i'm one also, MEN and CHILDLESS people, NO ADVICE PLEASE) OK to go on, my daughter was living with him and he had a stoke on October 27th, 2009 at the age of 46. She and him were in the house alone, she was asleep and found him in his bedroom and called 911. I was on my way home from work (10:30 pm) and got the call from her that her daddy was dead! I turned around and rushed to his house and she totally shunned me! A neighbor (a "nurse" by profession?) stopped me from running to her to comfort her. She was telling me to "calm down" and all I wanted to do was comfort my only child. Let me tell you, I was about to knock her out for trying to stop me from getting to her to hug her (my daughter was sitting in a chair in her driveway while paramedics were there) AFTERMATH - My daughter was seeing a therapist to help her through this, and she decided after several sessions that she no longer wanted to visit the therapist. OK. Fast forward, my now sixteen year old daughter allowed a friend to drive her deceased father's truck on June 4th, 2010 and wrecked it. Now I am the bad Mom because in the confusion of the scene of the accident, I allowed the tow truck driver (luck of the draw) to take the truck to a understaffed and overworked repair shop. Now it has been over a month since the accident. The truck is no where near done, and after a month they offered a free loaner car. My husband and I both thought this was a bad idea, but I finally broke down because she is driving me crazy. We went today to get the loaner car, but it had an expired inspection sticker and the asst mgr took it to get inspected and it did not pass. I tried to be understanding with the person at the shop, but he made the ridiculous mistake of telling us that we could drive the loaner car anyway, with an expired inspection sticker! OK now I am the evil mother who just wants to keep my daughter prisoner, that this was some kind of conspiracy to keep her home Please, I was the one to convince her stepdad to let her drive the free loaner. I am at the point...well I don't know exactly how I feel OK she said to me three times today that she hated me...so finally I said "Well then I hate you too!" Oh boy, that was exactly what she wanted to hear. sometimes I don't want to care, but I want her to be happy, Believe me, I am at the point where I don't want to give a *** anymore. I am trying to be strong and do the right thing but I am being fought with and told that I am hated left and right. I broke down tonight and have been crying uncontrollably, which has been well overdue. (PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE TRULY READ THIS, COUNSELING HAS BEEN DONE, OFFERED, OFFERED AGAIN, ETC. THIS IS ONLY TO THE HELPLESS, MISERABLE MOMS OUT THERE THAT, HEY, I'M THERE TOO!)

I am new to this Forum and at the same time truly AMAZED that I am NOT ALONE nor a BAD MOM!

I reconcilled with my daughter 2 years ago..
She is spoiled rotten and lives with her Dad who only enables this behavior. She dropped out of high school cuz she wasn't getting up in the morning to go...and she was having trouble with some kids...of course it was their fault and Dad allowed her to do online classes which she stopped so she never graduated!! Yes, she is working full time.

She is terribly 2 faced, talks about everyone,
(Bad Mouths) so I am certain I too, am one she puts down.

With out going into a long detail blog here this is the latest. Brace yourself...LOL

Yes, humor and my positive and optimistic attitude has truly kept me going...yet I feel like I am out of control allowing this, as I know if a friend ever did this that would be it!

So here goes~

My birthday comes and goes and NO call, NO card...nadda!

Mothers Day comes and she tells me she can ONLY meet me at her side of town, I live just 45 mins away...I even suggested 1/2 way and she refused. Then calls me at 6 PM and tells me she can't even do that!

I have many many friends and can for the most part get along with just about anybody!
I am very well liked and loved by many~

A co worker ran into her and my friend made a comment about me saying...your Mom is so pretty and she responds by saying...oh, you should see her without makeup...LOL RUDE!!!

I keep allowing myself to get HURT! I call her once a week...I so want a relationship. Sometimes she answers sometimes not. She is very moody, and quite manipultive, Also was diagnosed with ADD...but that is NO EXCUSE, by gawd! :0(

She very seldom responds to my texts, and or calls.
Of course if she has something COOL to share then she calls. Sometimes we talk for an hour and I feel so good and hopeful. Then slammmm!!!
Months go bye she doesn;t call...yet I am most always the one who calls. I miss my babygirl.

Now she is posting pic's of her Dad's wedding and makes a note how beautiful his bride is.
Now mind u she bad mouths her, says she is so ugly and not good for her Dad, yet she says this?
Screamed bloody hell to her Dad when he announced he was getting married, yet she goes to his wedding!! Claims she hates this poor lady.

How the heck do I get away from this?

I am happily married to my one true Soul Mate and he too has gone thru something similiar. He tells me to walk away and someday she will grow up and make amens, But ya know....sometimes people don't change and continue to be mean and evil their entire lifes. Her Dad is a real phony, Bi-Polar and extremely VINDICTIVE!! She is too, yet I continue to allow her in my life even when this so called non relationship is TOXIC!!

I am desperate for a relationship with my only daughter and I am so disappointed that she is so mean and hateful. She is this way with so called friends too.. Bullying and intimidation has been her weapons for years even when she was young.

I know I need to STOP contacting her and STOP looking at her Facebook...

Please guide me as my heart is broken and I am truly hurting.

Maddie

--
Edited by Maddie at 06/29/2010 12:32 PM PDT

Somebody help me. All I do is cry.

I thought it would be better by now, but my thirty-year old daughter still hates me---never calls, never visits and blows up if I say anything about MY feelings. We live in different cities which only aggravates the problems.

She got married a month ago to a very nice guy. The wedding was over-the-top luxurious paid for my my extremely wealthy ex husband and his wife. Just got back the wedding pictures which threw me into a terrible depression. I had talked myself into believing the wedding was great, but the pictures showed me otherwise. Everything was about the stepmother. She's in most of the pictures. As I found out, she was 100% involved in the wedding planning, while I was left out. It feels now like I am totally dispensable, that I should be thrown away, that I don't matter,that I was a terrible mother.

My other child is son. He totally loves me--so I couldn't have been that bad.

Somebody please help me. I am severely depressed

Hi 'MOMS'!! I have to share something personal with each of you who wrote about your daughters hating you.

I'm a grown up daughter , and one who has probably walked 10 thousand miles in your daughter's shoes! I cannot speak or write on their behalf, but I can from my own personal journey and experience with my own mother, who is deceased and resting in peace.

I was a beautiful baby with big brown eyes, who grew into a shy little girl. I had 3 sisters and 1 baby brother. We were happy little children and got along fine for the most part, until we got older and hit puberty. In our toddler years, we played in the park, chased each other down the corridors of the dwelling we lived in, practiced cooking w/one another in the kitchen while our parents were sleeping, and even bathed together. Yes...all 5 of us in a seemingly huge bathtub. My mom and dad used to call us their 5 little Indians. My mom was of Austrian Heritage, and father a native of a 'Spanish' country. I used to wish I could have all my mom's freckles!!! Worse...her fair skin-tone just so that I could experience what a 'sunburn' felt like! So many things about her I wished I could have been, but never would be...so, I thought, until I got older.

My story of my relationship with my mother and the adverse feelings I had towards her, stems from an early age of 5, which was the first time I ever felt afraid of her. I saw her get really mad at one of my sisters. I don't recall why she got mad, but I do recall what took place. As punishment, my mother sat my older sister in a chair and got the scissors to cut her hair. Just as she put the scissors to my sister's hair, I remember putting my tiny hand on her wrist and saying "mama ... why are you going to cut her hair? Please don't cut her hair mommy". My mother stopped and decided to not cut her hair. Sometime later, my mother started to abuse me. I became silent and regressed. The beatings were few and far in between, but one's that I would remember for the rest of my life. I withdrew from her affection because I was confused as to whether or not they were sincere. By the time I was 9 years old, my mother sent me away for opening and then spilling her bottle of perfume. She sent me to live with my aunts in PA for a brief time. All the while I was there with my aunts, I cried to be with my mother and my siblings. At that age, I could not comprehend why my mother sent me away. And not once, did I ever consider the possibility or fact that my mother did not love me, at least not until a few years ago, when my childhood babysitter found me online.

By time I was 11 years old, our parents moved to the north side of the city and put us in public schools. As if things weren't bad enough at home, I was beaten up by a team of bullies at least 2 or 3 times a week. I couldn't tell my mom because I was afraid of what she would do or say. So, I started to skip school and hide in basements of local apartment buildings until it was time to go home. This lasted for 30 days. The truancy officer came to our house on a day that my mother kept me home while I had been sick, and told my mother that I had not been in school for nearly 30 days. What was to come was horrifying. After the officer left, my mother nearly drowned me a bathtub of water. I was only 11 and horrified! This would be one of the last beatings I would take from her behind my father's back. Yes, my father never knew about them until I was older and when I left home.

When I was 12, my parents sent me to my father's native country to live with his sister for several months. It was probably the best decision they could have ever made for me. There, I was reformed, and exposed to another cultural setting that has been notorious for being a paradise on earth. I missed my family terribly, but never really thought of this as a form of punishment. When my mom took me to the airport she cried and told me how much she loved me. I believed her! Why wouldn't I? Regardless of the beatings, she was still my mother, and still capable of showing her affections towards me. Anyway, while overseas, I bonded with the most loving cousins, aunts and uncles on the face of this earth, who now call me their 'adopted sister'. I learned a second language; how to appreciate nature and all things gardening; how to horseback ride; and above ALL THINGS ... how to PRAY and have a friendship with Christ! AMEN to that!

While away, I never heard from my mother or siblings, not by phone nor letter. However, I did hear from my father on 4 occasions by telephone. Upon my return, I was surprised to not see anyone at the airport except for my father, who shared that he and my mother had separated. He explained that it was because the city was too dangerous and my mother wanted to keep us safer, so she moved to a rural area, but would be coming for me in a few days. When I saw my mother, I was sooooo happy to see her ... but so shocked to barely even get a hug from her. I'm not sure if this is when I discovered her disdain for me, but things were pretty clear that something just was not right.

During the next 4 years, and all throughout high school my mother complained that I was being 'distant' from her; or too emotional; or withdrawn from the family; or even ugly at times. She often told her friends, in front of my face, how much of a bitch I was being and how cruel I was being towards her. I think she had forgotten all about the things that had transpired in the earlier years. Even more, how she never called or wrote to me while I was overseas.

When I heard my mother's conversations with her friends and family describing how horrible of a person I was, I think this was the moment when I realized just how much I truly hated my mother. I hated her with every bone in my body, but just as equally so, if not more, my desire to love her was 20x's more powerful than the contempt I felt towards her and the for the things she did to me. During that period, although I thought she was supposed to be 'invincible', I felt as though she wanted everybody to feel sorry for her. I became selfish with my own affections, and oftentimes ignored her for days, perhaps weeks.

Yes, this is true, a child can really hate their parents, but I don't believe this can be true without reason. My mother favored my other siblings, and my grandmother favored my brother. My father lived in another city, so I felt as though I had no one to favor me.

By time I was 17, my mother told me I was a very sick person, and that I needed help. One time, she broke down in tears, and grabbed a knife and told me to stab her because that's how much she thought I had hated her. In that very instant, I became the adult and I gently grabbed the knife and told my mother to get some help. She cried harder and asked why I hated her so much. I held back my tears and I was speechless. I didn't know what to say, and I know some of you (if you've made it this far) are probably crying by this time, but the truth was, I didn't really hate my mother ... I hated the things she said, and simply just did not understand her. I never wanted anything bad to happen to my mother...above all things I wanted to LOVE MY MOTHER even more than I did. And, one day … I knew, deep in my heart … this would be true!

One of you wrote that you felt like dying or killing yourself. You cannot imagine how painful that is to hear. I heard my mother say this for many years, and it was very sad to hear this, but even so … I stood strong and told her to GROW UP! And…I’m telling you that right now…to grow up and to grip of yourself!!! This is NOT THE END of the world…okay!!! This is a phase and yes … you and your daughter may need some help … but your daughter needs you more than anything in the world and it would be a crying shame for her to lose her mommy while she was in that ‘self-discovery’ phase of life.

Relationships are complex. Our behaviors and emotions and agendas are not always clear, especially in mother daughter relationships. I remember my mother giving me sound advice, but at the time, I thought she was absolutely insane! Nothing she advised to me at that age made any sense. I wanted to do everything my way. I didn't really care about my mother's ideas ... I was pretty selfish and stubborn at best.

By time I was 18, I would be the first of my siblings to leave. I don't really know what this/that did to my mother, but one thing I knew for sure, was that I needed help. I need clarity! I needed to understand if how I felt had reason. Above all ... I needed validity! I needed to know if my mom really loved me. I wanted someone to explain to me why my mother would tell me that she loved me, but on the other hand would beat me. I needed someone to validate the logic (if any) behind that ...because I could not!

Instead of going to college, I went into therapy for 8 years. It was all talk therapy. No drugs ... no medications ... no coercions ... no involuntary confinements or straightjackets or anything like that. Just pure good-ol fashioned talk therapy with the best psychologist in the whole wide world who really cared about me, and who helped me to get back my sense of self and self-esteem.

In the duration of therapy and as I grew into womanhood, I started to see things differently with my mother. She was an only child, and bore 5 children of her own that made her feel like she had a pot of gold. She did love every single one of her babies, but something had gone wrong in her marriage. She lost her sense of self worth and self esteem. Instead of taking care of herself... she took care of everybody else. She worked 2 or 3 jobs, and I think this was very hard on us because it forced us to grow up much faster than any other average child. As for the beatings, there is nothing on earth that could ever justify a parent beating their child. But in my case, I realize now, my mother was sick. She did everything in her power that she could to raise us on her own. But looking back, I realize now she simply forgot to take care of herself. Deep in her heart she was miserable with a lot of things about her own self and not just the stress of raising 5 children.

By the time I was in my late twenties, I came to terms with my relationship with my mother. It was during a visit I had and we were sitting at her table conversing about the photo albums she had out. There, a picture of me came loose from the album. I was just 5 in that photo. I held it in my hand and looked at my big browns that my mother always said she had adored. I thought about all of our difficult times, and then felt a big lump come into my throat. I think I swallowed a BIG FAT TEAR DROP, when I handed her the photo and asked "mom ... did you ever love me?" and she looked away as she said "of course baby I have always you ... I love all of my babies. Why?” Oh...it just had to be the million dollar question ... Why? I pondered for a moment, calculating my thoughts, and then spoke about all of our differences and hurtful moments throughout the past. We must have sat there for 13 hours straight, talking, arguing over our perceptions of what happened in our relationship verses not and even cried at times. Many things she did not recall, but if anything was clear, it would have come when I said "you never acknowledged the way I felt ... you disregarded my feelings and you mocked me in front of everyone as though my feelings and thoughts were not important".

It wasn't too much longer after that visit when I received a tearful call from my mother in the middle of the night and heard her apologizing and asking me to forgive her. I was still numb, but told her that I did forgive her. The second call would be her asking me when I was going to stop blaming her and bringing up the past. And, you know what MOMS ... she was right! There comes a time in each of our lives where we must take ownership of our own happiness and stop living and blaming our past. When I realized this, I paid a visit to my mother for a weekend. Everything caught up with me; I finally realized that my 'mommy' would always be my mommy. I realized that when I turned 18 (if not sooner), that I had chosen to leave my mother. My mother never left me ... she was always there waiting for my return. This was the moment that I looked into her eyes and swallowed another big fat teardrop and opened my arms and said "mama ... I need you ... I need you so bad in my life".

My mother and I bonded for the next 3 years, as though we were the bestest of friends. I cherished every phone call ... every visit ... and every moment of laughter, tears and joy that I had left with her on this earth, up until the day she had passed away and I whispered in her ear ... I will always be with you mummy ... rest in peace.

I forgave my mother for all things said and done, but the hardest thing I could do was to forgive myself for holding on to all that pain which deprived me of having the relationship I could have had with my mother. I think, had it not been for my faith in Christ, I would have never known what surrender and forgiveness was all about. So, I really thank God for being bless with a sense of compassion and friendship with Christ.

To this day, I have no regrets of my relationship with my mother. She was my mother and she was my life. She, herself did not have a healthy sense of self-worth. I think part of my mom’s issues had a lot to do with never taking care of self before she became a mom. I know this may not be the case for everyone, but it was for my mom and many others that I know who are struggling with their daughters. And, when I read your stories of your daughters, I simply ask for each and every one of you mothers.... to know that you are not to blame for what your daughter is going through and that we all go through that period in search of our own identity and true selves. Love your daughters ... but don't blame yourselves … you were daughter too!

My daughter reacts to everything I say as being negative, so basically I can't make any suggestions without her taking it as a criticism. Everything turns into an argument, and who wants that? I don't!. She works near our home and stops by sometimes after work. I asked if she wanted to spend the night at home, and she never wants to do this. I decided to clean out her dresser and put her clothes in a bag if she's not going to ever be in her room anymore. I found a letter she wrote about her self and her self esteem, then another describing how she hated me. It is funny, I had issues with MY mother, but I am much different than my mom, so it does baffle me why this should be happening! I guess I'm just venting and it is good to know there is a forum for others whose daughters "hate" them, too!