I've just landed on this thread this morning, so I've not read it all yet. I just wanted to say that I have found here, words that explain how I am feeling. I felt tremendous painful feelings because of my daughter's actions, made worse because I just couldn't find the words to explain the pain. Thank you all here for helping me find some of those words.

For us the festive season was the pits as I hadn't heard from my daughter. Like most here, I'm glad it is now 12 months away till next Christmas.

There is one word that helped though, I discovered it just before Christmas and this was 'Narcissism'. I had sort of heard of the word, but didn't really know what it meant. Then for some reason I bought a book (How to Identify Narcissism in Ourselves and Others and What We Can Do about It) and BANG the lights were switch on. You don't have to buy the book, just do a google search.

As mothers we are not always to blame - although our narcissistic children and spouses would have us believe we are! It makes them feel better for being what they are and what they do.

God Bless all those mums, dads and grandparents that are suffering! Just wish this pain would end for us all!

HURTING MOM:
You came to the right place! There isnt a person here who doesnt feel your pain and grief! We all are travling down that very same road. I am so sorry for what you are going thru but please know we are all praying for you and each other. You will get thru this I promise you! You have to go thru the stages of grief it effects us Mothers like losing a child to death. But then after the intial shock wears off you really do start to heal because you see the bigger picture and you see it more clearly!Do not beat yourself up for your daughters issues. It is her loss especially now to deprive her child of their grandparents. Just remember Silence is Golden. When you dont chase after them or fight with them it leaves them with no Ammunition! My miserable daughter took every word I ever said and twisted it into something ugly and totally off the wall. Now I have been silent so she cannot say anything. She has no clue where I am coming from and thats fine by me. We have not spoken for 8 months and I will not allow her To HOLD MY HEART HOSTAGE because she is brain washed by the loser she is married to AND HIS SICK EVIL TWISTED FAMILY. yOU DO EVENTUALLY FIND PEACE. You are strong dig deep inside that strength will carry thru this I promise you. Your daughter needs a wake up call as they all do. I am not saying she will get it..But until she faces reality all you can do Is go on living and keep the happy memories of As i say (when she was a normal loving child) And just move forward! Please keep us posted here I check in daily and try to always help anyone who posts here. I have been dealing with this Crap for 8 years but IT ALL CAME TO a head 8 months ago. Hang Tough My Friend!!! YOU HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT AND CARING HERE!!!!

Well, good for you !!! We are of the same mind: we gave it our all" and there is nothing more we can do to change things. It's a very freeing feeling, isn't it?!! The hardest part is making up our minds to just let go, but once we've finally had enough and realize we have the right to be happy, and make that giant step, it's a tremdous weight off our shoulders...huh?!?! I'm so glad you've found some peace. Life is way too short to try to fix something that can't possibly be fixed. the fixing is on "their" shoulders now. I just know this year will be better for both of us, as long as we are determined to make it so. And I, like you, am determined!!

God bless

Thank you, so much. I truely appreciate the birthday wishes :o) Have you set any related new years resolutions? Mine is to completely ignore my....hummmm....what was he again? Oh yes, that's right, he used to be related to me. I think he used to be my son. Out of sight: out of mind. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY SISTERS HERE. Love you ALL !! could not have survived the past month without you all. I am truely blessed to know you all. :o)

This is for Sandy2499

I'm sorry we are both experiencing this kind of heartache. My son DID text me a "happy Bday", on my birthday, 12/23, and a merry christmas. i was totally shocked: i expected no word at all. Like i said, all his responses, when he does respond, are in 1 or 2 word sentences. i have given up on my son too. it's just too darned painful and it's beginning to effect my health. i'm tired of beating myself up all the time and, you know as well as i do, we blame and beat ourselves up far worse than our kids could ever do. Regrets, guilt, blame....it's easy to blame ourselves, right? I mean, who else can we blame? and when this pain goes to the bones, it's very, very hard to pull ourselves up: nearly impossible. The most painful times are the holidays when "family" is the heart of the celebration: being with family and people you love. But, now that these holidays have passed,THANK GOD, i can see things a little more clearly. I still cry on and off, but it's a little easier to return to my normal self, ya know? i've come to the conclusion that i have to let him do the things for himself, that he needs to do, to be the man he wants to be. hopefully the sooner i except this and give him the solitude he so desperately wants, the sooner he can get through it and perhaps come back to his family. i have no other choice or control of him or his life anymore. he's a grown man. i can't change anything. i can't go back and redo anything. i can't change the past or influence his future. That's a painful realization. As mothers, we want to fix or help or influence, or do whatever it takes to keep our kids from feeling any kind of pain. I have to force myself to go on. There, again, i have no control or choice. I'm not alone and i know this fact should make me feel better, but it doesn't. The thought of so many moms having to struggle through this painful process just hurts my heart. None of us deserve this. But atleast we have each other. I went to midnight mass on Christmas Eve and prayed for harmony between my son and I. that's all i could do. I'll pray for harmony for you and your child too. and i'm very sorry that we share this hardship.

God bless.

ditto

Wow! The feedback and replies to this topic are very interesting. I appreciate what everyone is going through and that I am not alone. But even more so, the response from some of the daughters. One daughter was a hateful teenager, but the other one was never as bad. Now my 23 yr old son is hateful.

My children (3) each have a child now - 3 to 4 yrs old. And it seems that as we had gotten closer over the years - now there is a significant distance. Huge lack of appreciation and grossly feeling taken advantage of. The more I do the less I get back in terms of communication and caring.

What the heck is happening? They can't even articulate exactly what I have done, only things that have happened in the past which we had clearly moved past and nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm feeling devasted and have sacrificed so much to make up for their father leaving, etc. I just can't seem to find a reason to live any more. My days and nights are so empty.

I've considered volunteering at a local high school, maybe teach a class or something just to fill the void. I find myself considering leaving the country so that the void is explainable. Advice?

Hi All, I meant to of placed a message on here before christmas, please accept my apologies for not doing so. But just to let you know that you have all been in my thoughts. I really hope that issues improve for you all in 2012. Also i would like to send a special thank you to caraboot13 for all the advice & support she has given us all & wish her health & happiness because she certainly deserves it. I've not got much news apart from the fact that my daughter has not come to her senses & still works hard while he lounges over the sofa & does nothing.
Dont know if i mentioned previously that mine had sent the police to me accusing me of having documents. It's a domestic shame the police cant be bothered to investigate indictable offences that they have previously confirmed. But more than anything i hope that our children see the error of their ways and for us to be happy.

Bye xx