not sure what to do with daughter...she wants to live with her dad

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I'm stumped on what to do. my daughter who is 14 and who i love with all my heart is wanting to go live with her dad. She lives w/ me and my "common law" husband who she's known since she was 2. Things seemed fine up until last week when we got mad at her for coming home w/ her lip pierced after being at her dads. He allowed her to get it and neither consulted w/ me. Although I know the blame falls on him, she knows what i do and do not approve, basically took advantage of the situation. Ever since she got chewed out after not only getting the piercing but being disrespectful to my husband and I she has held a "grudge" towards him. basically saying now that she's unhappy and so forth. She then proceeded to take off later that week and ended up calling her dad to get her(i think there's more to that). I told him she can stay there, that i've had it with the lack of respect and apprecitation. I know a lot of it is teenage stuff..but I have done everything from this child. I feel like she's always trying tto win her dads attention and I think she feels the only way to get it is by moving in with him. He basically does the minimum for her.... I can understand her wanting to be accepted by him since he has other kids and a step daughter living w/ him. But it kills me because I feel like she hates me, which I know is cliche..but I refuse to "buy"her love like I feel he does by the lack of discipline and weekend fun he provides every other weekend. Part of me allowing her to stay there is just so she can hopefully see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But i worry that wont happen.. Any thoughts would be great. I worry that my plan may backfire. I've always been supported of her relationship w/ him and have been there to wipe the tears when he lets her down... not sur what to do

Last Post May 18, 2010 10:20 AM by: jodi76063

jodi76063

Posts: 5

Registered: 5/17/10

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Re: not sure what to do with daughter...she wants to live with her dad

May 18, 2010 10:20 AM

Loving Mom,

Do not let this happen. You will regret if severely, if your situation turns out to be anything like mine.
Girls, at this age, seem to do this and in an effort to get more attention from their fathers, will go to them. In my situation, I thought that after so many years, my ex-husbanbd and I had a good relationship and were co-parenting well. That is, until my daughter turned 14, got angry with me and called her dad. He jumped at the opportunity to take her and his wife jumped at the opportunity to not have the child support expense. Three months and several thousand dollars later in legal bills, after a social study, interviews and an incredible amount of pain, my daughter was back at home. 1 1/2 years later, she got angry again - and this time, went to my mother's house. I let her go - being angry myself and just knew that she would see the error of her ways and come home. She did not. My mother has given her everything under the sun and bought her a brand new car (of her choice) at 16. She has credit cards and all that she could ask for at her disposal. Children at this age, apparently do not care as much about family as they do material items and getting their way. The selfishness has not ceased to amaze me and my heart is torn to shreds. However, It was my choice initially, to let this happen, thinking she would regret it. Only myself and my youngest daughter have suffered because of it. Now she is 17 and graduating in 2 weeks and will be going to college in Arkansas - 4 \1/2 hours away. I have no idea how to have a relationship with her now. Do NOT let this happen. Stop it while she is young enough to legally stop.

Best Wishes,
Jodi

lovingmom

Posts: 1

From: austin

Registered: 5/10/10

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