I was married to my ex-husband for 21 years. I had asked a priest for guidance concerning our marital situation. He said, "You won't hear this from a priest too often, but you need to divorce this man". I followed my ex-husband (husband at the time) through out his 20+ years in the military. He was controlling and abusive. My divorce was over 11 years ago. Since then, both my ex and I have remarried.
The problem is my daughter. She will be getting married later this year. She is 27yrs old. She is planning on having her wedding at her father's house. (I have no issues with that, it's what she wants)
She has requested that I not bring my current husband. I have been married to him for 10 years. This man is the love of my life and supports any decision I make.
My daughter is not inviting any of my side of the family. I would be at the wedding alone.
My ex's family is quite large. I haven't seen them since I divorced my ex. Of course to his family, I was the reason for the divorce.
I feel like I would be walking into an ambush by going alone. None of my family, none of my friends at the wedding. I would be isolated. (Which is the way her father treated me during our marriage).
My daughter resents me for divoricing her father.
I DO realise that it is HER day.
I have been there for my daughter. Helped her in anyway I could. Always trying to make up to her for her feelings of resentment.
This time, I really don't know what do do. Our relationship isn't close because she wishes it that way. I don't want added resentment toward me for not going to her wedding. I also don't want to be a target for her resentment or any humilation and embarassment.
There is also the reception. The dances. Do I sit at a table alone, keep my mouth shut and watch???
Please let me know what you think....
Thank you in advance.
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Mark_Manning
Posts:
8
From:
1191 Bowen Rd. #2 Elma, NY 14059
Registered:
12/9/11
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(6 of 6)
Re: To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Jan 24, 2012 8:39 AM
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hi lenore
i think you should go. it is after all your daughters special day. she would definitely resent you more if you wouldnt come. but dont go alone. before the wedding get yourself involved in the preparations. and convince your daughter that you would bring someone to be your companion. this would also set the mood of your ex. so that the it wouldnt be as awkward when you would only see each other during the wedding. just be careful though. make your daughter understand everything. and i think she would be very happy to see you in her wedding.
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premos1211
Posts:
1
Registered:
1/23/12
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(5 of 6)
Re: To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Jan 23, 2012 10:15 PM
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No need to go.If i am there instead of you definitely ,i won't go.I can assure you,if you go there,no doubt you will harassed.From your words,i can understand that your current husband is a good human.So it is not fair to insult him also.So take a good decision.I hope you can that.
*Good friends are like STARS You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS
THERE*
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liikestotravel2
Posts:
3
From:
Ontario
Registered:
7/18/11
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(4 of 6)
Re: To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Jul 19, 2011 2:05 AM
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Hi, I am in the same boat. I am afraid of the hurt and pain of going to my daughters wedding. I will be the only one there who knows just what she has done to me. The abusive behaviour, name calling, the daddy girl thing...no contact only in months and months...not knowing where she lives...the resentment...of the divorce which my husband wanted because he stated he has been unhappy for the last 3 years.. not to mention the inheritance he received.....she wants me there to represent the mother of the bride. The hurt is so bad..being alone to pick up the pieces...I have now made a life for myself...living alone..working..and I never heard from any of them..both daughters...dont know where they live...I feel like a 5th wheel...but I will not be there for the wedding. I will do what I always do..go out of the country...be somewhere else...Sorry it has to be this way...but I also must live...and move on...(it may not be the mature thing to do..but my health becomes an issue...and I cant be expected to put up with anymore hurt...).Hope it helps...
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mom who struggles
Posts:
3
From:
michigan
Registered:
6/25/11
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(3 of 6)
Re: To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Jun 28, 2011 2:51 PM
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I know your pain. My daughter got married in Maui and then had a large casual reception. My ex has a large family and I very small. My ex had so many family and friends come I felt humilated. I was only aloud to invite to friends which only one was able to come. Weeks before the reception my daughter had asked me if I would sit with her father at the head table which I said yes for her. At the reception just before the dinner my daughter informed that I was going to sit next to my inlaws at the opposite end of the table. Then I stayed for about another hour to see my daughter ask her father to dance with her and nothing more was said and the party began. I left immediately because I could barely keep from crying.
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FedUpMom
Posts:
5
From:
Boston
Registered:
2/10/11
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(2 of 6)
Re: To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Feb 27, 2011 9:05 PM
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Lenore, have you expressed any reaction about this to your daughter at all? Was this in conversation she announced to you that your husband wasn't welcome to her wedding?
I think you should sit down with her (take her to lunch or have her over for dinner) and spell out to her a) how hurtful this is to you both b) how much you want to be there to celerate her special day with her (and how much your husband does also) c) How unfair & unreasonable you feel the position she is putting you is.
I'd also ask her what it is about having your husband there that she thinks would bother her so much, or take away the joy of the day? It's not as if she will spend more than 3 seconds ngaging with him or acknowleding him. This day is about her & her groom, and you're willing to put aside any long dusty uncomfortable feelings to embrace that - in fact, so are all the parents, family & spouses - and all for her! So why can' t she?
I'd ask her not to say anything at that point, but to just give this some more thought, in between planning out the joyous events of her day, and revisit this a bit later when she's considered all points & the effects her decisions will have. She has control now to minimize or even eliminate any future hurt, resentment or nothing but great memories.
A wedding is no place to assert her opinion on your life choices!
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Lenore
Posts:
1
Registered:
2/23/11
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(1 of 6)
To Go or Not To Go to my daughters wedding
Feb 23, 2011 9:27 PM
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I was married to my ex-husband for 21 years. I had asked a priest for guidance concerning our marital situation. He said, "You won't hear this from a priest too often, but you need to divorce this man". I followed my ex-husband (husband at the time) through out his 20+ years in the military. He was controlling and abusive. My divorce was over 11 years ago. Since then, both my ex and I have remarried.
The problem is my daughter. She will be getting married later this year. She is 27yrs old. She is planning on having her wedding at her father's house. (I have no issues with that, it's what she wants)
She has requested that I not bring my current husband. I have been married to him for 10 years. This man is the love of my life and supports any decision I make.
My daughter is not inviting any of my side of the family. I would be at the wedding alone.
My ex's family is quite large. I haven't seen them since I divorced my ex. Of course to his family, I was the reason for the divorce.
I feel like I would be walking into an ambush by going alone. None of my family, none of my friends at the wedding. I would be isolated. (Which is the way her father treated me during our marriage).
My daughter resents me for divoricing her father.
I DO realise that it is HER day.
I have been there for my daughter. Helped her in anyway I could. Always trying to make up to her for her feelings of resentment.
This time, I really don't know what do do. Our relationship isn't close because she wishes it that way. I don't want added resentment toward me for not going to her wedding. I also don't want to be a target for her resentment or any humilation and embarassment.
There is also the reception. The dances. Do I sit at a table alone, keep my mouth shut and watch???
Please let me know what you think....
Thank you in advance.
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