When do I give up on trying to have relationship with teenage daughter?
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My daughter is 16-1/2. She went to live with her dad (my ex) about 6 months ago after I caught her in a big lie. He has very few rules, believes everything she says, is not home for several hours after schoo, etc. In other words, she has tons of freedom over there and can do pretty much what she wants when she wants.
Worse, he will not back me as a parent, feeds her ill-will toward me by agreeing with her, instead of backing me. He says my rules are "silly," etc. He has taught her to use me (how to only be nice when she wants something from me) and he has used me too in the past.
Well I have been putting my foot down and made very clear rules and boundaries. Of course, my daughter still hates me.
I have tried to get together with her many times. She blows me off when I try to make plans with her. On the rare occasions we have made lunch plans, she cancels at the last minute when she asks for something (me to buy her something, etc.) and I say "no, but let's have lunch." She has ignored her little sister (7) and my husband whom she's known since she was 2 years old.
I have cried and cried and cried. I was on prozac for a while, but have been off of it for a while. I saw a therapist who helped me establish my boundaries. But the therapist believes that with how my ex is feeding her bad feelings (and her wrong feelings) that it will likely be years before my daughter comes to her senses.
It hurts me deeply when I talk to her and she is cold. It hurts me deeply when she refuses to see me. It hurts me deeply that she only wants to see me if she wants to do something for her or buy her something.
At this point I don't even want to talk to her becuase it always ends up so badly. But I feel guilty, like I should call her once in a while because I'm her mom.
Am I wrong to stop trying to talk to her?
By the way, my 7 year old daughter is a completely different person than her older sister. She is a great joy in my life and very loving and caring. I know she will go through teenage rebellion, but with her obviously different personality and her father and I in loving marriage and always working together as parents, I think things will turn out well with her.
Help?
Worse, he will not back me as a parent, feeds her ill-will toward me by agreeing with her, instead of backing me. He says my rules are "silly," etc. He has taught her to use me (how to only be nice when she wants something from me) and he has used me too in the past.
Well I have been putting my foot down and made very clear rules and boundaries. Of course, my daughter still hates me.
I have tried to get together with her many times. She blows me off when I try to make plans with her. On the rare occasions we have made lunch plans, she cancels at the last minute when she asks for something (me to buy her something, etc.) and I say "no, but let's have lunch." She has ignored her little sister (7) and my husband whom she's known since she was 2 years old.
I have cried and cried and cried. I was on prozac for a while, but have been off of it for a while. I saw a therapist who helped me establish my boundaries. But the therapist believes that with how my ex is feeding her bad feelings (and her wrong feelings) that it will likely be years before my daughter comes to her senses.
It hurts me deeply when I talk to her and she is cold. It hurts me deeply when she refuses to see me. It hurts me deeply that she only wants to see me if she wants to do something for her or buy her something.
At this point I don't even want to talk to her becuase it always ends up so badly. But I feel guilty, like I should call her once in a while because I'm her mom.
Am I wrong to stop trying to talk to her?
By the way, my 7 year old daughter is a completely different person than her older sister. She is a great joy in my life and very loving and caring. I know she will go through teenage rebellion, but with her obviously different personality and her father and I in loving marriage and always working together as parents, I think things will turn out well with her.
Help?
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reddhead
Posts:
1
From:
California
Registered:
8/2/10
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